Time to Reassess..and start the year with a Tabula rasa (Blank Slate)

Wow...It's a new year and time to shake off the old one, get off my ass, and hit this new year head on.  Before I do this I need to reassess and reevaluate my current position and situation...


Physically...I am healthy, albeit a little extra winter/holiday pounds...I can resolve this by watching what I am eating a little better...and try to get a little more exercise.

Mentally...I still seem to have all my faculties in place...I could resolve to read a little more to keep the neurons from getting lazy.


Emotionally...Hmm...I think I am still suffering from a bit of Seasonal Affective disorder...or it could be situational depression.  I find myself tired all the time and want to sleep.  Maybe my body just wants to hibernate.  Also...I am feeling a bit lonely, because I am not in a relationship, and have no one to share life with right now.  It's not that I have not been trying.  I chat on Singlesnet, take advantage of the free weekends on eHarmony, and even went out with a group on Saturday night.  But haven't found what I am looking for.  Mostly, because I don't exactly know what I am looking for.  I just know I want it.  Even though I don't know exactly what I want.  I just want the warmth of another person, someone to listen to me without passing judgment, someone I can care about and will care about me.  Is that asking too much?? Apparently so, because I am still alone.  Well, what can I do about this???  I guess I can continue on singlesnet, eharmony, bikers or not, etc...until someone comes along, until then I will have to continue eating my macaroni and cheese alone.

Monetarily/Financially...This area is in the toilet...This economy has hit me hard.   I am so deep in debt it will take a miracle to climb out of it.  I picked a terrible time in history to launch a new business...but with no one else hiring what choice did I have.  I know what I have to do...I need to network...I need to get my website up and running...I need to get business cards printed and handed out...I need to promote my business everywhere...but most of all I need to get off my ass and work!!!  It's a sad state of affairs when a person has to sell their plasma for an extra $50.00 per week, when they have the skills, knowledge, and ability to build a building from the first shovelful to the last shingle.  It's sad when I have to go to food shelfs to get by when I have college degrees, vocational certificates, and licenses in such a wide range of things.  How did I get to this position??  I wish I could say it was things I could change or do, but it just comes down to this economy, so few people have the extra money to spend, and the competition is so fierce.  What more can I do??  I just need the break, the big score, (or even a bunch of little ones)  I need work...first to get me caught up with my cuurent debts and obligations, then to work on paying down my past debts and obligations.  Buying my house has made me so happy, but if things don't turn around soon, my ownership will be short lived.  My financial hardship affects others around me as well.  I still owe my uncle $2500.00 I borrowed to buy this house.  My ex holds the child support over my head by limiting my time with my daughter (this isn't exactly true...but I am venting so I am taking liberties).  I still owe student loans, medical and dental bills, behind on others like utilities, cell phone, etc.  I know if I just had enough work lined up for this year I could not only drag myself out of this current hole and start building a tower to financial independence and freedom.  In the interim, I will have to do what I have to do to survive.  I will keep selling my plasma, going to the food shelf, getting my hair cut at the beauty schools, applying for aid and assistance, and attempting to keep my wits and dignity while doing so.  My public persona is one of confidence and security, while my pesonal life is one of stuggle and survival.

I shouldn't complain as much as I do...my life is filled with so many blessings, and although it looks bleak right now, it's still better than many people out there.  I have my health, my children are healthy, my grandchildren are healthy, my brothers and their families are healthy.  I have been given so much in my life, and although I always wish things were better, everyone does, I really can't complain.  I need to reflect on my many blessings, and hope for a better tomorrow, what will happen will happen.  In the Big Picture I'm just a single pixel.  What did Shakespeare say in "As You Like It"?

"All the world's a stage,


And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages."



So as I enter and exit the stages of my life, I will do so with dignity and honesty.

•Hau'oli Makahiki Hou - Happy New Year...A new Year and Fresh Start

The western Christmas and New Year fell during this same time of the year that the Hawaiians traditionally honored the earth for giving them plenty to eat. This period of resting and feasting was called Makahiki (mah-kah-HEE- kee). It lasted for 4 months, and no wars or conflicts were allowed during this time. Because makahiki also means "year", the Hawaiian phrase for "Happy New Year" became "Hau'oli (happy) Makahiki (year) Hou (new)"(how-OH-lee mah-kah-hee-kee